Exploring Your Hometown
     No matter where you live, there are a multitude of adventures you can have with your children to inspire them, pique their curiosity, and follow or create a newfound passion.  Whether you have a budding scientist or a child who loves fire trucks, a young thespian or one with a passion for music, use your imagination to come up with an inspiring adventure.  You never know where you will find the best day of your child’s young life.  Some ideas are:

• Art Museum
• Science Museum
• Natural History Museum
• Specific Subject Museum
• Zoo
• Amusement Park
• Post Office
• City Hall
• Fire Station
• Police Station
• Playground
• Park
• Sporting Event
• Factory
• Beach
• Mountain
• Airport
• Train Station
• Restaurant Kitchen
• Farm
• Stable
• Fair
• Parade
• Lake, River, or Ocean
• Aquarium
• Island
• Boat Ride
• Picnic
• Theater
• Movie
• Mall

     Of course, there are many more locations you could choose.  Once there, though, what do you do?  An adventure requires a little planning.  So, what can you do in these places?

• Hunt Treasure
• Problem Solve
• Play Games
• Search and Identify
• Interview
• Answer Questions
• Draw or Paint
• Plan a Route
• Make Connections
• Act Out a Scene
• Pretend
• Analyze
• Research
• Laugh
• Enjoy!!!!!

Teaching Virtues With Movies

   Sometimes it is difficult to teach a particular lesson to our children.  Or, alternatively, we are teaching a lesson and need a way to reinforce the lesson.  Movies can be a wonderful tool to  use strategically.  There were many times when raising my own children that I would select a movie because of the message it conveyed.  If you are trying to instill courage or honesty, listening, or the effects of bullying, for example, there are wonderful movies you can watch with your children.  

    Simply providing these movies may not be enough.  Try watching the movies with them and discussing the principles either during or afterwards.  Relate the ideas to their lives.  A wonderful series is Adventures From the Book of Virtues.  The show was on PBS for four seasons and the episodes may be purchased as boxed sets. It is particularly appropriate for young children. 

     Some specific movies that depict life lessons are:

• Honesty -- Liar Liar, Pinnochio
• Integrity -- 12 Angry Men, Apollo 13
• Bullying -- Big Bully, Mean Girls, The Karate Kid
• Friendship -- Toy Story, Monsters Inc., Finding Nemo, The Jungle Book, The Sandlot, The Wizard of Oz, Pete’s Dragon
• Loyalty -- Shrek, Brave Little Toaster, Angels in the Outfield, It’s a Wonderful Life
• Resilience -- Soul Surfer, Cast Away, Clash of the Titans, James and The Giant Peach, The Swiss Family Robinson
• Giftedness -- August Rush, Finding Forrester, Harriet the Spy, Matilda, Little Man Tate, October Sky, Searching for Bobby Fischer, Rain Man
• Individualism -- The Incredibles, Star Wars, Mulan
• Free Will -- Babe, Racing Stripes
• Respect -- Ladybugs, A Bug’s Life, Around the World in 80 Days, High School Musical, Remember the Titans
• Courage -- The Diary of Ann Frank, The Red Badge of Courage
• Leadership -- Cool Runnings, Mr. Holland’s Opus, The Chronicles of Narnia, 101 Dalmations, Madagascar
• Patience -- The Karate Kid, Are We There Yet?, 
• Generosity -- It’s a Wonderful Life, 
• Responsibility -- The Lion King, Old Yeller, The Rookie, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Yearling
• Persistence -- The Miracle Worker, Where the Red Fern Grows

Consistent Discipline 

     
     Standing in line at the grocery store, I watched as a frustrated mother repeatedly told her young, crying son that he could not have the candy bar he wanted.  As she unpacked her groceries, putting them on the belt, he continued to cry, ask for the candy bar, and tell her that he needed it.  Her response was that he could not have it.  I was proud of her for sticking to her guns UNTIL she exclaimed, “Fine.  If it gets you to stop crying, you can have it!”  At this point, his tears stopped immediately, a smile spread across his face, and she finished checking out.  As they were leaving the store, he began crying again, saying that he wanted to go to the toy store.  She told him that they could not go to the toy store today.  He continued crying as they left the store.  

    This little boy is learning how to manipulate his mother, hot to get his own way, and who is in charge of the family - him.

    Contrast this with an experience I had today at Disney World.  As I again stood in line, this time waiting for bus transportation to the Magic Kingdom, a little boy stood at his mother’s feet, holding onto her legs, and looking up at her with tears streaming down his little face.  As he cried, he kept asking her to pick him up.  Her response each time was exactly the same, a quiet but firm, “You bit me.  Until you can apologize and stop crying, I will not pick you up.”  She repeated these same two sentences six or seven times over a span of 10 minutes or so.  Finally, the little boy wiped his eyes, looked up at her and said, “I sorry.”  She whipped him up into her arms, hugged him, kissed him, and said, “Good boy.  Now don’t bite any more, okay?”  He responded that he would not and they both smiled.

    This little boy is learning that there are societal and familial expectations, that his mother is not one to be manipulated, and that she is the adult in the relationship.  He also is learning that he can trust what she says to him because when she says something, she means it.

Consistent discipline provides a structure for a child that gives him a sense of security.   

Unplugging
    
     For the next couple of weeks, I am going to "unplug."  No e-mail, no Facebook, no online gaming, no reading the news on the internet.  I am going to take a break and do everything the old-fashioned way: send cards and letters via snail mail, call to talk with friends, play board games, and read the newspaper.  When this little experiment is over, I'll get back to you on its success (or failure).

What's My Motivation?


In this age of lessons, our children don’t learn how to ice skate by going to the local pond.  They don’t learn to swim by going to the beach.  They don’t hit a tennis ball against the school wall a million times until their coordination and timing are learned.  No, they take lessons.  Diligent suburban mothers, fathers, nannies, babysitters, grandparents, and anyone else who is recruited to take part in this chauffering of small children era drive little Johnny to the local rink, pool, or courts where he takes lessons.  I admit that I did fall prey to this phenomenon myself.  My favorite memory, though, is the swimming lessons.  Living in the south, I wanted a backyard pool, but my husband I agreed that we would not build one until our children could swim.  That seemed reasonable.  Immediately, I signed them up for swimming lessons.  My older son sat on the side of the pool for several lessons, barely getting his feet wet.  As the other children splashed and paddled, floated and submerged their faces, blowing bubbles, he sat and watched.  Then one day he swam.  A gifted child.
A different gifted child:  Meanwhile, my younger son sat on the side of the pool and flatly refused to enter the water throughout the entire series of lessons.  I explained why he needed to be able to swim.  I pleaded with him to do it for me.  I bribed him with a new toy if he would learn to swim.  Nothing.  The next session was scheduled and again I signed him up.  Again he sat.  Again I explained, pleaded, and bribed.  Nothing.
The third time lessons began, I reluctantly signed him up and asked him to PLEASE try at least getting into the water. After all, Mommy wanted a swimming pool.  By this time I had no shame.  We arrived at the pool for the lessons and an adorable blonde pony-tailed, blue-eyed, tanned teenaged girl was his instructor.  Midway through the first lesson she walked through the water over to the side of the pool and cooed, “Will you please swim with me?”  That little three-year-old stinker grabbed hold of her hands and allowed himself to be lowered into the pool, never taking his eyes off her face.  She held onto him as he paddled and coaxed him to blow bubbles in the water.  By the end of the first lesson he was paddling across the pool with her.  The sun rose the next morning and before I was even out of bed he bounded into my room in his bathing suit begging to go back to the pool for more lessons.  Motivation.
Regardless of what you are trying to persuade your child to do, finding the right motivation is key.

Non-Verbal Communication

     
     When our children are babies, we parents interpret their needs far before they are able to communicate them to us.  Or do we?  When a baby cries in a certain way, a parent may know that he is hungry.  When a baby fusses, a parent may know that she is tired. When the baby smiles, a parent may know that he is content, and when a baby cries, a parent may know that he is scared.  The baby, then, is communicating to the parents long before verbal communication begins.  An expression, a movement, or a sound is all parents need to understand their babies’ needs.

     For some reason, though, once children begin to speak, to tell us when they are angry or sad or hungry, we forget to pay attention to these non-verbal cues that we knew so well.  Did you know that between 60% and 75% if the impact of communication is non-verbal?!  Often words contradict body language.  How many times have you asked your child what is wrong and the response is “nothing”?  You know that something is, in fact, wrong.  How do you know?  Non verbal communication.  Interestingly, when the words contradict the body language, most people will believe the unspoken messages.  Being able to interpret non-verbal communication, then, reduces confusion.

     What do we mean by “non-verbal communication”?  It is a combination of a number of things:

• Kinesics: A man by the name of Ray Birdshistell, in the 1950s developed a definition that said that it is a combination of posture and gestures.
• Proxemics: Pertaining to the perception of space, we can “read” a person’s comfort level with us by how far he or she stands from us.  Intimate distance (family and loved ones) is between 6-18 inches; personal distance (good friends)is between 18-4 feet; social distance (formal acquaintances) is between 5-12 feet; and public distance (strangers) is 12-25 feet or more. 
• Chronemics: This has to do with the study of time usage, punctuality, a person’s willingness to wait, the speed of one’s speech, and the amount of time someone will listen before “tuning out.”
• Haptics: Haptics is the study of touching, whether or not your child will subject himself at any given time to being touched, kissed, or hugged.  Also in the area of haptics would be handshakes, holding hands, back patting, high fives, fist bumping, and brushing an arm or leg.
• Oculesics: This is the expression of one’s eyes.  Does your child maintain eye contact while talking, while listening, while observing?  What is the frequency of glances? What are the patterns of fixation?  Are pupils dilated or is she blinking at a fast or slow rate?

     So, the next time your child is non-communicative, take time to pay attention to what he or she is really telling you.

Kindness Changes The World

    In our rushed world, we sometimes forget the difference a simple act of kindness can make.  I have always tried to offer words or acts of kindness whenever I can.  If I see a person struggling with a small child, trying to open a door, I will hurry to open the door for her.  If I see an elderly person exerting himself trying to unload groceries into a trunk I will ask if I can help and put them in the trunk for him.  If I see someone with a sad expression, I will find something kind to say, whether it is complimenting a colorful scarf or that I really like the sweater she is wearing.  These simple acts and words of kindness are free and I am invariably rewarded with a smile.

    We wonder if our actions are making an impact on our children.  They are.  My children have seen me performing random acts of kindness for their entire lives and I now see them doing the same.    

    When my son was 6, his class had a Thanksgiving feast.  Each child was to bring a turkey sandwich and the parents would be on hand to prepare everything else.  On the day of the feast, the children were sitting in a circle on a mat, their plates in front of them.  They took out their sandwiches and put them on their plates.  One little boy did not have a sandwich.  Seconds later I saw my son break his in half and put half on this boy’s plate, without a word or a look.     

    When my other son was 10, we were shopping on a brutally cold Minnesota day.  As we approached the store, we noticed a very cold man ringing the bell for the Salvation Army holidays collection.  When we got into the store my son turned to me and asked if he could please buy one thing in the store.  Since he usually did not ask for things, I agreed and followed him.  He walked directly to the snack bar where he bought a cup of hot chocolate and took it out to the Salvation Army bell ringer, who accepted it with gratitude.  (To this day, I often buy cups of hot chocolate for bell ringers on very cold days.)

     These are just two examples.  Know, though, that when you make it a habit to perform random acts of kindness, your children are watching.